7 TRAITS OF UNSUCCESSFUL PEOPLE

Say the word ‘success’, and what comes to your mind? We all have our own ideas about and definitions of success. Yes, there is a definition in the dictionary (the accomplishment of an aim or a principle), but we all think slightly differently about the word success and it is dependent on our upbringing, our paradigm of the world, our experience with failure, our internal story about things like money, motivation, what’s possible, our ideas around struggle and hard work, and, of course, how our immediate friend and family group defines success.

We’re talking about success in this episode, but not in the traditional way it’s typically talked about. In this episode, we’re coming in through the back door, so to speak, and talking about success by taking a look at what we might call ‘unsuccessful’ people. Before we do that, however, we have to first decide and agree on a definition of success. If we don’t do that first, it will be difficult to then agree on what we believe is the opposite of that.

As I mentioned during the opening of the show, the dictionary defines success as ‘the accomplishment of an aim or principle’, which is fine. We could very easily decide on that as our definition of success. I’ll take it a little further and add to it a bit, however, because I like the great Earl Nightingale’s version a bit better. Earl said that success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal. That version is not that much different than the accomplishment of an aim or principle, other than that the one little word, ‘accomplishment’, that is in the dictionary definition. The word accomplishment connotes a state of being finished, of having arrived somewhere. Earl Nightingale’s definition emphasizes the active nature of ‘progressively realizing’ something, and that something is a worthy goal or ideal.

So, we have three primary words that separate the dictionary definition of success and the one I want to use in this episode: progress, realization, and worthy. Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal. To meet that definition of success, one must first have a goal or ideal that is worthy, and then be in the act of progressively realizing the goal or ideal. You don’t have to have arrived anywhere to be considered successful in our definition of success. You simply have to have a goal and be progressively working toward it’s realization.

I say all of that because, for most of us, we don’t actually learn the definitions of words as we’re learning how to speak. We learn meaning primarily through the process of inference and context. When our elders are speaking to us for the first several years and we’re starting to make sense of our world through language, we don’t have the need or ability to haul out a dictionary for every word. We learn the meanings of words by inferring meaning based on the context the word was used in, along with all the other words that come before and after that word. As we grow, we might have the opportunity to have more nuance added to particular words by learning the actual definition in school.

However, by the time we start school, we already know and understand thousands of words, so learning the actual definition typically just confirms our understanding of that word. That is, unless, we’ve been using a particular word incorrectly for some period of time.

The definition of success, for most, is embedded in our psyches based on years of programming from our authority figures, what they deemed a success or failure, the educational system, and the context in which the word is typically used in, which is usually tied to a dollar figure or a place within society.

If you live in a particular neighborhood, you might automatically be considered successful by some. If you drive a particular car, wear a certain kind of watch or jewelry, and command a certain salary or position, you might be considered successful by some. However, for this episode, I want to be sure we can agree that we are not going to define success by those metrics as they’re not tied to a worthy goal or ideal, they’re based too much on a number or dollar figure, and there is no aspect of progressive realization tied to any of that.

With that definition of success in agreement, let’s talk about the opposite of that, which would essentially mean someone with no goals or ideals that they’re progressively working toward. So, that would be the first trait of unsuccessful people:

1. Not having a worthy goal or ideal that they are progressively working toward.

If you want to get over the initial hump of not being lumped in with those considered to be ‘unsuccessful’, it would be to at least have some kind of worthy goal or ideal you’re progressively working towards. If you have no clue what that should be, it would make sense to spend some time pondering this one because it’s the main thing likely keeping you from doing, becoming, and having more than you do right now.

The second trait of unsuccessful people is that:

2. they spend the majority of their ‘down’ time escaping.

Let’s be clear, there is nothing wrong with having down time, off time, time not doing or creating anything. This is referred to as recovery time. You might be creating and using all your brain power during the day and want to not have to do that in your down and off time. That’s not what we’re referring to with this one.

What we mean when we say spending the majority of one’s down time escaping is that, for many, they’re ‘off’ or ‘down’ time is the time they’re not trading their time for dollars and might be the only productive time they actually have to progressively realize a worthy goal or ideal. What most people do, instead, is escaping with social media, tv, food, alcohol, and overall unproductive activities that will inevitably lead in the opposite direction than what they often say they want.

Again, to be very clear, I’m not saying having an extremely unproductive day or weekend is an issue. I have them all the time. However, I have also spent a ridiculous amount of my so called ‘off time’ over the last 2 decades working on multiple streams of income, additional business opportunities, passion projects, and so on. I don’t sit around and complain that I just don’t have enough time to do the things I want to do. I know exactly what is required from me if I want to create something new or develop some additional income.

The people I’m referring to are the ones who do complain about not having the life they want, yet doing nothing productive to build that life. If you’re working a full-time job and want to eventually have or do something else, you’re going to have to build that new thing on your down or off time from your job.

If you want additional streams of income, you’re going to have to use some of that ‘off’ time to develop them. If you want to work on your personal brand, you’re likely going to have to do that during the time that you’re not producing your normal income or working your full time job.

If you want to do more, be more, and have more, you simply can’t waste all of your down time and off time escaping. You have to look at that time as your second job for a while and recognize that it doesn’t pay anything up front, but will likely pay off in the long run.

The third trait of unsuccessful people is that:

3. They compare their own progress to the progress of others, which stunts their growth.

Here’s the reality; people who are progressively realizing a worthy goal or ideal typically compete against themselves, not against the growth or success of others. When you know you’re on a path and continuously working towards something, the success that someone else has achieved is just confirmation that it can be done and hopefully motivation to continue on that path. Don’t compare your chapter 1 or 2 to someone else’s chapter 15.

The fourth trait of unsuccessful people:

4. Criticizing others who are on their own path and trying new things.

There is a saying that has been attributed to Denzel Washington and it goes like this: “You will never be criticized by someone doing more than you, you will only be criticized by those doing less”.

I do my best not to use absolutes like ‘never’ and ‘always’ because we can always find a scenario that proves the meme wrong. However, in general, Denzel Washington’s comment has meaning because there is some truth in it. People who have achieved more than you, or people who are doing more than you have no reason to criticize those doing less. Someone doing less than you is not taking anything from you and someone doing more than you is clearing a path.

We see this in all industries, of course, but we see a heaping share of it in the appraisal industry. Anyone doing more than the average is criticized as somebody who can’t possibly be doing it correctly. Anyone doing something different is obviously cheating or not trained well. Anyone applying good business principles and working efficiently can’t possibly be focused on quality. And any new idea that crops up in the market that looks a little different from what somebody is used to and they must be trying to put us all out of business.

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Which leads us to the fifth trait of unsuccessful people:

5. Focusing on the negative.

In everything there is contrast. When you are seated in a well lit room, you have the option of focusing on what you can see, or you can focus on the absence of darkness and complain about it. If you’re eating apple pie, you have the option of focusing on how tasty the pie is, or you can focus on the fact that it’s not pumpkin pie. You can look at your life partner and see all the reasons you choose that person each day, or you can look at your partner and ask why you didn’t choose someone else.

Everything we do in life offers us these options. We always have the option of choosing the thing that makes us feel good over the thing that doesn’t. And, if we always have the option of choosing the thing that makes us feel good over the thing that doesn’t, well that means that we also have the option of choosing the opposite. That’s the essence of free will.

If we agree that success is not a number, it’s not an amount of money in the bank, it’s not a particular net worth, but instead progressively realizing a worthy goal or ideal, then we also agree that the opposite of that could be one of the definitions of unsuccessful, and those we might consider unsuccessful are the one’s who tend to choose to see only the negative aspects of something and almost none of the positive.

The sixth trait of unsuccessful people is:

6. Making low integrity decisions.

What is a low integrity decision? It’s the opposite of a high integrity decision. High integrity decision are typically characterized by the most mature and honorable character traits we would all agree we strive for and want in the people we surround ourselves with. Traits like: honesty, taking responsibility for your own stuff, doing what you say you’re going to do, apologizing when you mess up, looking out for others, lifting others up, doing what’s right when nobody is looking, and so on.

Once again, the contrast principle gives us insight into what low integrity decisions might consist of given what we believe high integrity to be. Low integrity decisions are marked, then, by dishonesty, looking out only for oneself, not apologizing when you mess up, blaming others for your mistakes, not taking responsibility, not doing what you said you were going to do, and so on. Unsuccessful people tend to operate on one side of that ledger more than on the other and it will be obvious to you when you see it or experience it.

This next one may hit some of you right in the solar plexus because you may just recognize this trait in yourself. Keep in mind, this does not mean you are unsuccessful. With all of these traits and habits of the unsuccessful, these are generalizations, some of which simply come from studying the most successful people and then applying the contrast principle to get the opposite of that.

In almost every study done on success; what it is, how people define it, and the traits and habits of those who’ve achieved some level of it, almost universally, one particular trait stood above all others and it was the habit of reading.

7. Not reading.

That’s right! The habit of reading is one of the foundational habits and traits that was found in almost every single person who has ever been considered a success. Again, you might not be a reader and still be successful, that’s not what this one is saying. What it does say, however, is that when you look at those considered to be unsuccessful for whatever reason, not being a reader is one of the things almost always on the list along with some of the other traits.

What is it about reading that makes it one of the traits that is so easily identified as a common trait across almost all successful people? There are several things the studies point to in this regard:

First, reading improves one’s vocabulary. Studies have shown a strong correlation between the depth and breadth of one’s vocabulary and the opportunities that are available to somebody with a strong vocabulary versus those who don’t have a strong vocabulary. It’s not unlike a tradesman with a wide variety of tools to solve problems and the kinds of problems they’re eventually paid to solve. Only have a hammer? There are only so many problems you’re able to solve.

Second, depending on the variety of books one reads, just like how reading improves one’s vocabulary, reading expands the reader’s mind in countless ways. It doesn’t matter if you’re reading fiction or non-fiction, when you read you’re expanding your imagination, you’re learning new things, new ideas, new areas of exploration, and learning about the world.

You’ve probably heard the saying, ‘All readers may not be leaders, but all leaders are readers’. As usual, there’s an absolute in there that I’m not a fan of because it can’t possibly be true that all leaders are readers, as in every single one, but I have to imagine there is a very strong correlation between how much and how often one reads (and what they read), and the trajectory of their life.

To be clear and to state it once again, if you don’t like to read, that’s ok. It does not mean you aren’t or can’t be successful. However, being a reader increases the probabilities of success in almost every area and shortens the time frame between creating some kind of worthy goal or ideal to progressively realize and it’s accomplishment.

The great thing about the time we live in is that you can hate reading and still consume the same information contained in those books on audiobooks, YouTube channels, Spotify, and a dozen other ways. The key part of this one is the consumption of valuable information that expands one’s mind. If you’re not consuming information that expands your mind in some way, I’m just going to strongly encourage it.

Not having a worthy goal or ideal to progressively work toward, spending the majority of your free or down time escaping instead of building, playing the comparison game instead of competing against yourself, criticizing and tearing down others who are doing more and trying different things, allowing your attention and focus to get sucked into the negative instead of the whole universe of possibilities, making low integrity choices and decisions, and not being a consumer of mind expanding information by being a reader. Seven traits to ponder on your way to progressively realizing a worthy goal or ideal.

To your immense prosperity and growth, and until next week, I’m out…